HEART MURMURS
"In the presence of Jehovah, God almighty, Prince of Peace." I long for those all too rare, all too fleeting moments when I am genuinely in the Presence of the King. I hunger for those times of abandonment when only He and I reside together in time and space. I search for glimpses of His face and strain for whispers of His voice. And they come but so infrequently, so faintly, that often they wisp by before they are recognized.
Is that the fault of God? Does He tease me with offers of Himself? Tantalize me with hints that He might drop by only to disappoint me like a prankster who rings the doorbell and runs away? I think not. No, the issue of absence lies not in the heart of God but in me, my heart, my head, my hands.
Three words jump out at me. Three simple, deeply profound words, haunt me in their inability to be reached; presence, abandonment, and rest.
Paul says "to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord." Maybe that is more than a spiritual, death and life kind of thing. Maybe there is a way of forgetting, if only for a little while, where I am and what I am worried about, and letting my mind be fixed on Him. The problem of presence for me is not so much a problem of where I am looking but where I'm being distracted. I come to Him in prayer seeking only Him, and when I find Him I immediately slip into my asking mode. Bless the boys, help my business, fix the car, take care of Aunt Sallie's influenza, and oh, by the way, could you give the Buckeyes a running game this year? I struggle to be fully present with Him because I am by nature fully present with me, fixated on my own wants and wishes. I am trying to learn to slip away from "planet Earth" for a few minutes each day and just be present with Him.
And that takes abandonment. When I loose myself, forget who I "think" I am, and who might be watching, I am far more capable of being present with Him. Even when I pray alone in my secret place I form my words carefully so that He and I will both be impressed. When I write this now, I write more for some unimagined audience than as a confession of my own heart. This morning I prayed that I might be completely lost in Him and then whispered to myself, "so that others might admire me."
True presence requires total abandonment. David was abandoned when He danced naked before the Lord. Saul was abandoned when he laid blind on the road to Damascus. Peter was abandoned when he watched the sheet come down from heaven. They were lost to themselves and their surroundings, unaware of anything except the eyes of God.
Now, I'm not talking about some out of body experience or metaphysical trance, though I wouldn't rule it out. I simply believe that when the more I seek Him the less I seek me. A friend of mine last week told me about a chapel service at a Christian school where she teaches. During the music, one tiny little, pre-kindergarten boy, standing by his teacher at the front of the auditorium became so caught up in the rhythm and the beat that he began to spontaneously gyrate. He danced. Not some nice, clean, sophisticated dance, but a wild, herky-jerky, full of joy kind of dance. She said every eye in the room was on this little boy and he had no clue. He was abandoned to the moment.
Oh, God, teach me to dance like that, in total oblivion to myself and those around me. Caught up in the moment. Lost in Your presence. Aware of only You.
And when I do, there is rest, amazing, refreshing, rehabilitating, Sabbath rest. It means that I have to take the time. It means that I have to be willing to put other things on hold. It means that I set aside a place and a purpose. But it means rest. An hour everyday, a day every week, a weekend every quarter, I don't know exactly what that looks like but I do know that to be lost in His presence I need to be intentional about my times of rest in Him. The activities of the day, the business of the calendar, the incessant pulse of life is not an excuse for my failure to come away with Him on a regular basis. "Lord, teach me to rest in You. Help me to stop today and find myself lost in your presence."
INTIMACY AND BEING KNOWN
There is written into the DNA of every man the need to know and be known. From the very beginning God created man in community. He said, "Let us make man in our image." He gave man a name, Adam, and of all His creatures only called Adam by name. In fact God assigned to Adam the responsibility of naming the other creatures. Then God said, "It is not good for man to be alone." And He made woman. God knew that men needed to know and be known. Another word for that is intimacy.
Emerson Eggerichs in his book Love and Respect reminded us that only human beings are intimate face to face. Of all other creatures, God made us to "know" each other looking into one anothers eyes. This need for intimacy, to know and be known drives us when we are dating, moves us to the altar in marriage, creates a constant, subsurface yearning in us that can, when not fulfilled lead us to the most unhealthy of choices.
This sexual illustration of intimacy points us to another issue, men confuse intimacy with sexuality. We even use that language. "My wife and I were intimate last night." "Have you been intimate with her?" Men are intimate in order to be sexual. (Women are sexual in order
to be intimate.) But intimacy is not the same thing as sex or sexuality. The truth is that the need for intimacy is incapable of being satisfied by sex or any other human/physical means. The hunger is far too deep.
C.S. Lewis speaks of this hunger when he says, "We cannot tell each other about it. It is the secret signature of each soul, the incommunicable and unappeasable want, the thing we desired before we met our wives, chose our friends, or chose our work, and which we shall still desire when we are on our deathbeds, when the mind no longer knows wife or friends or work. While we are, this is. If we lose this, we lose all."
There is an insatiable need written into the DNA of every man to know and be known. And that need can only be met in a face-to-face, deep and dedicated relationship with the One who created us. Intimacy is a part of my relationship with my wife. It fuels my love for my children (and for Jon-Mical.) It moves me to desire strong male friendships. But true intimacy can only finally be found in my walk with the One who really knows me. Paul says, "I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection, the fellowship of sharing in His suffering, becoming like Him as He is, and so somehow to attain to the resurrection of the dead." That is intimacy.
PARENT PROJECT
Of 30 students in a typical tenth-grade classroom (California statistics from late 1990s!):
· 3 have some form of sexually-transmitted disease
· 3 are teen parents
· 7 use cocaine, marijuana, or other stimulants regularly
· 8 will not graduate from high school
· 10 are seriously behind in reading and math
· 11 drink alcohol
As Christians, our hope is that if we raise our children in a Christian environment, this storm will pass by us. Unfortunately, Christian children are just as likely to become involved in destructive behaviors as children raised in a non-Christian environment. And when children choose to involve themselves in destructive behaviors, most parents simply do not know how to intervene.
The Parent Project is a parental-skills program specifically designed for parents with high risk youth. Parents often don't know many of the at-risk behaviors children and adolescents are engaging in these days. Of the ones who do, many have no idea of an effective way to intervene.
Parents who deal with children who are engaging in destructive behaviors often feel a number of debilitating emotions. Common feelings include: helplessness, embarrassment, anger, guilt, frustration, loneliness, exhaustion, fear, and failure as a parent. Many feel frozen as if to ask, "What do I do?" This uncertainty or lack of confidence often leads to inaction which can be the worst possible response. Children and adolescents long for boundaries and limits to feel safe and secure. When a parent chooses not to respond, they may inadvertently communicate that the behavior is OK or even worse, that they don't care. It is no surprise why a poor relationship with the youth often develops.
Parents need three things to change undesired behaviors:
1. Desire (to work to learn how and apply what is learned)
2. Information
3. Support
Lasting 10-16 weeks in duration, The Parent Project provides the last two. The program combines sound, research-based teaching on behavior modification and the importance of demonstrated love and affection with children and adolescents with peer group support to help facilitate and maintain lasting change. Each three hour class session is divided into a teaching component and a support group where participants walk with other parents who are experiencing similar problems, behaviors, and fears.
Branches Recovery Center is proud to be offering The Parent Project as one of its many group services to the middle Tennessee community. The program will be led by Bill Robison, a Certified Parent Project Facilitator and Certified Life Coach. Bill has 10 years experience working specifically in the area of at-risk youth and their families.
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